To Find You
by his-little-troll
Summary: Kristoff hasn't been home in weeks, and Anna is worried.


To Find You

**You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me,**

**And that's what made me see, where I was going wrong.**

_Oh Anna…_

Brown eyes narrowed, blonde hair hidden by the worn cap. Her chin tipped up as his finger lightly lead her gaze. The cold was growing, raging inside her. He couldn't. Not him. Not now.

_If only there was someone..._

Her breath quickened. Her pulse hammered in her ears. Frost clung to her fingertips. His broad shoulders loomed over her, his mouth quirked into an irksome smile. The fire sizzled under the steady stream of water. His smug look out the window sent tendrils of ice climbing her legs.

_Who loved you…_

Not him. Never him. He swore. He was too good. He was too honest. She reached for him, falling from the chaise. His name slid between her lips, a ghostly sigh in the darkening room. The door thudded shut behind him. Ice stabbed at her lungs, filled her heart. She gasped out his name again, unsure.

_Kristoff?_

"Kristoff!" She jerked awake, sheets twisted around her legs, her skin covered in cold sweat. Her breath was coming in short, quick bursts. Her hands reached, searched, flailing around her bed. She finally found it. She clutched it in her fingers, bringing the soft, worn fabric up to her nose. Pine and leather. Sweat. Dirt. Warmth.

She should have given back his cap as soon as she'd found it. She meant to. She definitely thought about it. But when the time came, she remembered when he'd given it to her. She remembered the feel of his arms leaving her, the sound of his voice. She remembered the hurt look in his eyes as he watched her walk away. The sad smile when he told her to worry about herself. She remembered, for the first time in her life, feeling loved by someone besides her parents. She'd decided to keep it, only for a few days. That was months ago.

Her bedroom door crashed open. She shoved the cap under her blanket, irrationally afraid of getting caught. Elsa stood with her mouth agape. Her nightgown was mussed terribly, and her face was paler than usual. Her sister's cold eyes darted about the room before she finally settled on Anna, sitting alone on her bed.

"What happened? Are you ok?" Elsa was breathing deeply.

"Just… Just a silly nightmare, really. It's nothing to worry about."

"Oh, Anna. I was so worried." Her sister's embrace was tight. She still wasn't used to the cool touch. Elsa still wasn't used to touching people.

"Don't be. It's nothing really." Elsa pulled away, looking in her eyes as if to verify Anna really wasn't in danger.

"You miss him, don't you?" Her sister's weight barely tipped her bed, her hands folded primly over her lap. Her smile was warm, inviting.

"I do. He'll be back soon though." Elsa's expression softened. Anna couldn't help but feel patronized as Elsa tucked a strand of her copper hair behind her ear.

"I'm sure he will." Elsa gave her another hug before heading towards the door. Something sad lit her eyes when she turned back, something Anna didn't analyze.

No one had seen the rough man and his reindeer in weeks. The other harvesters returned without him, claiming he disappeared halfway through the trip. The search team found nothing. No equipment, no reindeer, no Kristoff. Elsa vehemently refused to allow Anna to hunt the mountain for him. They had not talked after her declaration for days. Only Elsa's fearful confession opened their communication once more. Possibilities zipped through her mind all day, from his death to his disinterest. No possibility settled well with her. She became agitated and distant as days rolled by.

Her nightmares returned in full, starring her newest failure. Most often it was the one she had tonight. On other nights roles were reversed, with her own mutinous voice ringing out betrayal. Tonight was worst of all. Her mind perfected Kristoff's voice, twisted his familiar cadences to scarring words. Even now she could feel cold curling around her skin, could her teeth chatter as her insides flooded with ice.

"Kristoff?" The name left her lips as a half prayer, a hope in the still night air that he would return by morning. Every night she hoped, and every morning she had been disappointed.

She did not sleep the rest of the night. Her thoughts circled in tightening coils, forming a tedious plan to get supplies ready. She made a decision days ago to go after him herself, no matter what Elsa said. Already she borrowed a pair of boots, bits of clothing from stable hand's uniforms, and a horse chosen that no one would miss. She could have a full day's head start before Elsa realized she was missing. Today had to be the day. She couldn't wait any longer. Even now Kristoff may be dying.

She glanced out her window as the sun rose. She would have to wait until after breakfast to leave. Missing lunch would require an excuse. By the time dinner rolled around she'd be long into the mountains. Kristoff had shown her enough to get by. Hopefully she wouldn't have to survive too long without him. A part of her hoped he had simply gone to visit the trolls. It would explain why no one could find him. It was almost impossible to find the Valley if one didn't already know where it was. She'd look there first.

Breakfast passed by in silence. Anna was too nervous to speak, ignoring Elsa's worried glances. They only made her feel guilty. Once plates were cleared she wished her sister a good afternoon and rushed off to the stables. She wrapped her hair into a bun and pinned it under his cap, quickly changing out of her princess clothes and hiding them in an emptied barrel. The boots and uniform were baggy on her, her shoulders too petite to fill in such broad angles. Still, a glance in the mirror confirmed she was well disguised. Her horse nuzzled her affectionately. Anna sighed and gave him a sugar cube. She would have to take a different horse today. If hers was missing, Elsa would know immediately what she had done. She went to a gray mare, a newer horse who was often out for breaking. He calmed enough in the last week that when she hopped on him last night, he had trotted a few paces around the pen. She had no time to test him further.

He was nervous after she hopped on him the second time. His shoulder's shifted, his neck bobbing for a moment before she calmed him with a pat. She led him at a trot through town, carefully keeping her face concealed behind the bulk of the cap. She came to the gates, holding her breath as guards watched her leave. No one called out to her. She was clear. Breathing out a shaky exhale, her back went rigid. She was really doing it. She was heading into the mountains to find someone she loved. Again. This time no one would lead her.

It only took a couple of hours for her to realize she was lost. She thought she remembered the way, but last time she had left from somewhere else. And nothing looked the same. And Kristoff wasn't here.

"Kristoff?" The forest remained still. "Kristoff are you out here?" Her horse plugged through snow, an irritated whinny his only response to her callings. She didn't know how long they carried on before she saw Wandering Oaken's. She remembered Kristoff's entrance that day, wind howling behind this bundled mountain man in the doorway. Maybe the store clerk knew something.

The familiar tinkling of a bell filled her with dread. Last time she started this journey she died. "Hello."

"Hi again! Would you like to use the sauna?"

"Um, no. Thank you though." She reached to tuck her hair in before realizing it was up. "I was actually wondering if you've seen a blond haired man, about," she stood on her tip toes with her hand held high, "this tall, kind of grumpy?"

"You're looking for that Kristoff fellow, yes? I'm sorry. I haven't seen him, like I told the last guys." The man's eyes were soft. "I'm sure he's out there, dear."

"Thank you. I, um, I better get going." She tried to hide tears as she left.

She hopped onto her horse when she saw tracks. They were unmistakably reindeer. The steps were uneven, and they weren't paired with Kristoff's lumbering footprints. She didn't let that dissuade her. Only one ice harvester used a reindeer without a sled. She followed the impressions cautiously, half afraid of what she would find at their end.

She finally entered a small circle of trees, two hulking silhouettes nearly covered in snow. Small pink splotches surrounded their hiding place, neither form moving as she approached. A knot stuck in her throat. Surely not? Not like this?

"Kristoff?" He didn't respond. She jumped off the horse, running to his hunched back. Snow was piled high over his woolly clothes. She brushed off all she could, confirming the man she found was in fact Kristoff. Tears gathered in her eyes. "Kristoff, come on. Wake up." She nudged him gently. No response. She pushed him harder this time, rolling him around to face her. His lips were pale, his cheeks without his usual rosy hue. But she could see his chest rising and falling. The ice on his sweater was stained a deep crimson.

She moved over to Sven, who was already beginning to stir. He looked tired and worn. Wounds on his flank were pink with scars. His eyes perked up when he realized who she was. He issued distraught grunts and nods of his head to Kristoff.

"I know boy. Come on, help me get him up."

She pushed Kristoff against Sven, both working together to get him standing. He made a vaguely pained noise, but put up no resistance. She managed to get him on Sven's back after only a brief struggle. Sven's awkward steps reminded her his tracks had not been normal. His injured leg limped pitifully. Together, with her horse led by the reign, they returned to Oaken's Sauna. Sven looked at her helplessly from the stairs. She would have to carry Kristoff the rest of the way on her own.

"It's ok boy. I can do this. Trust me." She patted his nose, pulling out a sugar cube. It wasn't what he was used to, but it was the best she had.

Kristoff's weight fell on her shoulders, his arms folded forcefully around her neck. She ignored the strangling sensation as he slid down her back. The clerk was surprised to see her, and even more surprised to see Kristoff barely supported as she struggled through the door.

"Oh dear. I'll get water." The large man darted around the corner, dashing through the door to the sauna. He reemerged with towels and a bucket of warm water, a small bar held in his other hand. "Free of charge." His hulking chest bent over the pair as Anna peeled off Kristoff's sweaters and undershirt.

The wound was dirty and swollen, bright red against his pale abdomen. A hiss of pain answered the warm rag she placed over it. Every noise brought more hope. He was alive. As long as he was alive, she could do this. The bar Oaken had given her was soap. He claimed it was special, made himself. She didn't care. It only needed to clean his wound. She replaced the first rag as soon as it cooled, this time eliciting no response. Color still hadn't returned to his face. Dirt and grimed wiped away to reveal more bumps and nicks and bruises. A particularly nasty bruise bloomed across his ribs.

"Come on, Kristoff. Sven's waiting for you." She tried to fight back tears. She really did. They came anyway, falling on Kristoff's chilled skin. Oaken walked away at that point, his hat wringing in his hands.

She worked the next couple of hours, buying bandages and blankets to wrap her mountain man in. His cheeks began to turn color gradually. His breathing became more pronounced, more than a withered rise and fall of his chest. By night's end he looked almost normal. She knew she should try to tell Elsa what was going on. Her sister probably realized she was gone by now. But she remembered Kristoff crossing the fjord, remembered his broken look when she'd turned from him. She sacrificed for Elsa before, but that was her own life. Right now, Kristoff needed her.

She fell asleep with Kristoff's hand in hers, Oaken nodding knowingly when she asked to stay with him. The familiar smell of pine and earth kept her nightmares away, the warm fire helping her sleep better than she had in weeks. A nudge and a grunt woke her in the early hours, Kristoff's covers wadded by his feet. His eyes were open.

"Kristoff!" She tackled him with a hug.

"Hey, feistypants. What are you wearing?" She blushed as she remembered her uniform and boots, his cap still sitting crooked on her head.

"I… I snuck out of Arendelle to… To find you." She looked down at her hands. Their silence was awkward.

"Yoohoo—oh!" Oaken must not have expected them to be awake. Kristoff clutched blankets over his face. He had not forgotten the last time he'd been in here.

"Don't worry. He helped save you." Kristoff looked at her incredulously.

"He did?" She nodded.

"Do you, uh, have my shirt?" Anna laughed, pulling his stack of shirts out from her bundle by the fire.

"We should probably head back. Elsa doesn't know where I went. I mean, she probably knows I went to look for you, but we didn't know where you were. And so she doesn't know where I am, and she's probably worried. Ok, no, she's definitely worried by now. I mean, I left yesterday and I really didn't think through supplies and—" Kristoff placed a finger over her lips, his eyes warm.

"Thank you Anna. Let's go home." They gathered the rest of his clothes and were given another blanket and some food by Oaken. Sven settled far away from the gray horse, watching the door closely. He attempted to bound up to meet Kristoff, but his leg forced him back down. "It's alright buddy. I'm alright. We'll get you home." Kristoff patted his old friend's head and led him on, feeding him carrots Anna insisted on buying.

"What happened? You've been out here for weeks."

"It feels like so much longer." Kristoff was still leaning against her. His layered shirts were stained the rusty red of old blood. "We were attacked by wolves. Sven and I heard them when the men didn't, so we tried to lead them off the trail." She recalled circular rows of red gashes. Teeth marks.

"Why didn't you let the other's know?" Kristoff rubbed the back of his neck.

"We were a bit behind. We always stay at the back, it's easier to watch over everything. Besides, I'm in charge. Their lives are in my hands." He glanced away.

"So you decided to take on wolves by yourself?" She failed to keep the bite of anger from her voice.

"Look, I wasn't trying to be heroic or anything. It happened pretty fast. I heard it and lagged back to be sure, and then I was fighting wolves." His mouth was already tilted into a frown.

"Just… What else happened? How come no one could find you?"

"I'm not really sure. I know I managed to knock a good number of them off, but they got me pretty good. At some point I passed out and when I woke up, Sven had dragged us off somewhere. He was hurt pretty bad, and so was I. So I tried to clean him up, keep him rested and get us food. It's all pretty hazy." He winced again, and she knew it was his wounds hurting him.

"They're infected. That's probably why you passed out again. Why didn't you come home?"

"I tried, but we were both pretty out of it. I think by the time Sven healed up enough to go anywhere, I was already…"

"Sick?"

"Yeah."  
"Oaken gave me some kind of special soap. It's supposed to help fight infection, clean up wounds and stuff." She showed him the small cream bar. Bits of purple poked out of it. "I think if we keep using it, you'll heal up pretty fast."

"Oh. Cool. Uh, hey."

"Yes?"

"Really, thanks for coming to find me." They were approaching the gate.

Anna removed Kristoff's cap and waved at the guards. She heard one of them call out her name. Another yelled for Queen Elsa. Anna felt her face go pale. She didn't realize she'd be facing Elsa so soon.

"Oh, God, Anna!" Elsa's arms engulfed her without warning. Kristoff wobbled as he tried to move out of her way. "Kristoff! You're both alright. Don't do that again, don't ever do that again!" For a second Elsa reminded her of Mom. Anna patted her shoulder, smiling at Kristoff's stricken expression.

"Both of you come on, you need something to eat. Anna, if you ever run off again I will hunt you down myself!" Anna looked at her packed horse sitting beside the stable and raised her eyebrows. Elsa turned a rare shade of pink, but held her head high.

That night Elsa all but forced them to eat three helpings of dinner. She assured Kristoff that Sven was getting the best treatment and all the carrots he could handle. They stayed up late into the night recounting Kristoff's near fatal adventure and Anna's brave attempt to find him. Elsa finally headed to bed after her head began to droop on the chair, a glass of warm chocolate in her hands. Anna didn't feel the least bit tired as she told her goodnight. The two of them sat quietly for a while, watching the fire.

"I thought I lost you. We didn't hear from you for weeks. I would have went out sooner but Elsa wouldn't let me."

"I can see she stopped you." He was smiling warmly at her again.

"Well, I had to find you. You…" She looked down. They didn't often talk about that day. "You came back for me." She nestled her head on his shoulder. "Um, you should probably have this back. I found it a while ago." She pulled his hat from her dress, setting it on his lap.

"Keep it. Really. It suits you." He put it back on her head, and she smiled at the wafting smell of pine and leather.


End file.
